Dating as a Transman

Romantic relationships don't have to be complicated simply because you're trans. Personally, it's only the sexual aspect of relationships that have the potential to make things difficult, but it's not all about sex, so here's a piece on dating.

The process of becoming comfortable with someone in a romantic light can be both exciting and daunting for everyone, right? But, as a transman, the pressure to be seen as who you are and not your body is really really stressful and can be incredibly depressing at times when you feel as though the person can't fully see you for you or perhaps doesn't find you physically attractive. Appearances are obviously not everything, but nobody can help who they find and don't find physically attractive. Saying that, I don't think I could date someone who wasn't physically attracted to me, because it would be really awful for my confidence. I do believe, however, that physical attraction can grow as you fall more and more for someone, so perhaps I'll rely on that!

My last boyfriend was actually able to almost completely rid of my dysphoria simply by assuring me that he found me attractive in every way and he respected my decision and boundaries, for example, he was never to see my chest without a binder on.

As a transman, when I find out somebody finds me attractive, the self confidence boost it gives me is spectacular. Going from constantly feeling unattractive to knowing that someone sees you as an attractive man is like *girlish squeal*.

I also only really enjoy being in very equally relationships, where there isn't a partner who plays the (to be horribly stereotypical) male role or female role. I don't consider myself to be particularly masculine or feminine so either roles don't suit me, which is possibly why I've dated more men, because I find that balance in them more easily.

I never felt the need to be in a relationship, but was always open to perhaps finding somebody and giving it a go. When in a relationship you become responsible for a whole other person and if you're going through some bad times it can be difficult, but you always have your partner to lean on. Equally what I have discovered is that helping a partner with their issues is a really good distraction from your own troubles.

(And if all goes bust I still have my cat)

I have also done a piece about dating trans people to give the opposite side of things which I will post soonish.

fab