I guess all of this could apply for dating a transwoman as well but seen as I don't know very much about their end of the spectrum, I'll keep it to transmen. (As always, some transmen may feel differently about these points)
Treat him as a man: Don't treat them as female or patronise them about 'male' things. Saying things like 'at least you'll never have to deal with *biological male issue*', can get really annoying, because I know I'd take all of the annoying biological male issues over being trans. Also, calling their body parts the male equivalent will boost them massively.
Don't constantly remind him that he's trans: He knows! He wakes up everyday remembering and spends each day trying to forget. Being trans is rubbish and the best thing anybody could do is to help them forget and bring some sort of normality into their life.
Realise that he is probably a very unhappy person, however well he hides it: Obviously not every transman is unhappy, but it is very likely that he is. Pick him up, make his day, keep him going when he's having a bad day. It's not difficult to remind someone that they're valid and important.
Expect him to keep secrets: He may have things that he just won't be ready to tell you for a while, and that's okay. He's not shutting you out, he's just uncomfortable with whatever it may be himself. Give him time to open up, there's no rush.
Expect the same treatment back: However unhappy he is, you should always expect emotional support back from your partner. As in every relationship, give and take should be as equal as possible, and his struggles with transitioning should not be allowed to disrupt that. If it does, then you are completely entitled to how you feel about it. As long as you're not blaming him for being trans, you should be able to confront him about any issues you're having.
And that brings me to my last point.
Never make him feel bad for being trans: The things that makes me most upset about being trans is that I don't feel that I can love someone the way I want to or the way they deserve, whether that be physically or emotionally. That is the one thing that would completely tear me apart and I'm constantly afraid it may happen someday.
So there you go. It's not rocket science. Treat it like any other relationship. The foundation of your relationship will not be based on him being trans, the only difference it makes is that you may have to be a bit more patient and sensitive.
fab
Don't constantly remind him that he's trans: He knows! He wakes up everyday remembering and spends each day trying to forget. Being trans is rubbish and the best thing anybody could do is to help them forget and bring some sort of normality into their life.
Realise that he is probably a very unhappy person, however well he hides it: Obviously not every transman is unhappy, but it is very likely that he is. Pick him up, make his day, keep him going when he's having a bad day. It's not difficult to remind someone that they're valid and important.
Expect him to keep secrets: He may have things that he just won't be ready to tell you for a while, and that's okay. He's not shutting you out, he's just uncomfortable with whatever it may be himself. Give him time to open up, there's no rush.
Expect the same treatment back: However unhappy he is, you should always expect emotional support back from your partner. As in every relationship, give and take should be as equal as possible, and his struggles with transitioning should not be allowed to disrupt that. If it does, then you are completely entitled to how you feel about it. As long as you're not blaming him for being trans, you should be able to confront him about any issues you're having.
And that brings me to my last point.
Never make him feel bad for being trans: The things that makes me most upset about being trans is that I don't feel that I can love someone the way I want to or the way they deserve, whether that be physically or emotionally. That is the one thing that would completely tear me apart and I'm constantly afraid it may happen someday.
So there you go. It's not rocket science. Treat it like any other relationship. The foundation of your relationship will not be based on him being trans, the only difference it makes is that you may have to be a bit more patient and sensitive.
fab
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