Losing Loved Ones

Unfortunately, a really big issue the majority of trans people have to face is losing loved ones because of their transition. Thankfully, I haven't had to deal with a lot of that.

When I first came out, a few of my family members send me messages and letters showing their support and reassuring me that I'm still loved and accepted. I urge anybody with a trans family member to do this. It's never too late.

I still have absolutely no idea what a few family members think of me and my transition and although I'd love to know, perhaps they've stayed silent for a reason and I respect that.

Although it wasn't completely directly to do with my transition, I did lose two very important close family members. I was told that due to my transition I was not allowed contact with a family member and because of this I told another that I no longer wanted them in my life. I refuse to feel guilty for who I am.

It still hurts, but I spent most of my teen years being bullied by that side of the family and I don't need toxic people in my life, I've fought to hard to get to where I am now.

As always, there is a positive to this situation. It has taught me a lot, mainly to do with becoming a parent. Being supposedly infertile and unable to have children of my own, I love the idea of adoption. What losing certain family members has taught me is that it wouldn't matter if they were related to me, my children will be my children and they will come first.

When I become a dad, I'll be a dad for the rest of my life, not for a few years until something else comes along.

Today has been a sad day, but I'm feeling pretty body positive and I'm wearing my new happy top (it has rainbows and stuff on it)

Happy birthday, George.

fab

5 Months on T - Update and Voice Comparison

Due to a tremendous lack of communication between doctors and clinics, I have only just booked my third jab for the 19th of October, but at least it's finally happening!!

Tomorrow, I am five months on T and very happy with the changes so far.

Over the last month specifically I've noticed a sudden increase in body hair, mainly on my stomach. I'm also getting chest hair, not much but it's beginning to grow.

The thing I'm most happy about is that my 'monthly cycle' appears to have stopped for definite.

HALLELUJAH

I have lost some weight recently, going back to what I was before I started hormones. My trousers are beginning to slip from my hips, which I'm hoping is a sign that my body fat is starting to go to the right places.

I feel that, mentally, I am completely back to normal after the first initial surge of hormones. I'm not confused, angry or outrageously sexually frustrated anymore... although I do still get aroused very easily.

My voice has pretty much stayed the same, I think it's just starting to be more natural to me, so less voice cracks occur. Check out the comparison below:

I'm comfortable with using the men's bathroom and haven't been misgendered by a stranger in months. Couldn't be happier.

fab

Voice Comparison - 4 months on T

(Excuse the writing over it, new computer and no software yet)

4 Months on T - Update

I'm four months on testosterone!!
A noticeable amount has changed since I started T.

• I have a decent amount of body hair now. Mainly on my lower back and stomach. My leg hair is also a lot thicker and is turning from white to ginger all of a sudden (nice). I think my head hair isn't as fine as it used to be too. I shave my face up to once a week, if I leave it for too long I get a 'porn-stache' and blonde fuzz on the sides of my face.
• I'm pretty sure my voice has gotten deeper or perhaps slightly more grizzly. It still surprises me sometimes. It's lower than some of my cis-male friend's voices. (Will upload comparison later)
• I have some acne on my jawline, which I don't really appreciate but it's pretty easy to make it less noticeable by using products.

(Me and the wifey, Ellen)

I'm passing 100% now and I am treated as cisgender by pretty much everyone. I am able to live a perfectly normal life which is amazing to finally be able to do.
I'm no longer 'that trans guy', I'm just Frank, and I've never been happier.

fab

Decisions, Decisions...

I've made some decisions *dun dun duuuuuun*

Recently, after realising that I only have one more year of college left, I re-evaluated my plan.

I have decided that after college, I would like to take a break from education and get a full-time job for one or two years, before hopefully going to university, ideally abroad.

When it comes to transitioning, I have changed my mind a little. In January, I should be placed on the NHS top surgery waiting list *little dance of joy*. I was told by one of the doctors that what transmen usually do is get their top surgery done, then go off for about five or six years before coming back for bottom surgery (if they so wish).

However, I would quite like to move country as soon as possible. I would also like to get over as much struggle of being trans as quickly as possible and knowing that in a few years time I'd have to return for major surgery would always loom over me. THEREFORE, I have come to the conclusion (will probably change) that I would like to have lower surgery and get it out the way asap.

It's a very terrifying thought but it would mean that I could move on and live as much of my life as how I would like to be as possible. I like to think it will be done by my mid-twenties.

I know I will have a lot of support to get me through, so fingers crossed and I will keep you updated.

fab

Dumb Questions Answered

I thought it would be fun to actually answer all the dumb questions I, and a few others, have been asked by aqcaintences, because apparently I have nothing better to do.

You'd have to find someone who's pansexual because gay men won't be attracted to you, right?

This is actually really offensive. I see where you're coming from but nevertheless. The definition of homosexuality is being attracted to the same gender. So some gay men are perfectly capable of being attracted to transguys.

If a woman dates a man that used to be a woman, that makes her a lesbian, right?

Well, with that logic if you date someone who used to be a child, that makes you a paedophile, right?

So, I assume you're a bottom?

Just because we may not have the natural equipment doesn't mean we can't be a top. I have a penis, it's just detachable.

Do you have sex the gay way?

Well... if two men have sex... that's pretty gay.

Do you have sex the lesbian way?

Ok, you're not listening to me.

What's in your pants?

Disappointment.

But how do you pee?

If I have my packer with me, I pee standing up using it. Otherwise, I'm not skilled enough at aiming to stand, but the thought is pretty hilarious.

If you don't get a willy, doesn't that make it pointless?

A lot of transmen don't get lower surgery. 1) Because they don't want to 2) Have you seen how terrifying the surgery is?!

When you get your penis, can I see it?

Can I see yours? No? That would be weird and inappropriate? Then what makes you think you can see mine?

Does the voice in your head change as your voice drops?

I actually really like this question. I always had a deeper voice in my head, but now I think my actual voice is deeper and raspier. So no, I don't think so.
And a lot of the time I read in Will Arnett's voice...

Can I call you [insert birthname]?

NO. That's no longer my name so why would you ever call me that?

After writing this I've realised how many inappropriate, sexual questions I and so many other trans people are asked and expected to answer. Why is it anybody's business how we have sex or what genitals we have? How about they get to know us for who we are and they might just learn something.

fab

Dating Transmen for Dummies

I guess all of this could apply for dating a transwoman as well but seen as I don't know very much about their end of the spectrum, I'll keep it to transmen. (As always, some transmen may feel differently about these points)

Treat him as a man: Don't treat them as female or patronise them about 'male' things. Saying things like 'at least you'll never have to deal with *biological male issue*', can get really annoying, because I know I'd take all of the annoying biological male issues over being trans.  Also, calling their body parts the male equivalent will boost them massively.

Don't constantly remind him that he's trans: He knows! He wakes up everyday remembering and spends each day trying to forget. Being trans is rubbish and the best thing anybody could do is to help them forget and bring some sort of normality into their life.

Realise that he is probably a very unhappy person, however well he hides it: Obviously not every transman is unhappy, but it is very likely that he is. Pick him up, make his day, keep him going when he's having a bad day. It's not difficult to remind someone that they're valid and important.

Expect him to keep secrets: He may have things that he just won't be ready to tell you for a while, and that's okay. He's not shutting you out, he's just uncomfortable with whatever it may be himself. Give him time to open up, there's no rush.

Expect the same treatment back: However unhappy he is, you should always expect emotional support back from your partner. As in every relationship, give and take should be as equal as possible, and his struggles with transitioning should not be allowed to disrupt that. If it does, then you are completely entitled to how you feel about it. As long as you're not blaming him for being trans, you should be able to confront him about any issues you're having.

And that brings me to my last point.
Never make him feel bad for being trans: The things that makes me most upset about being trans is that I don't feel that I can love someone the way I want to or the way they deserve, whether that be physically or emotionally. That is the one thing that would completely tear me apart and I'm constantly afraid it may happen someday.

So there you go. It's not rocket science. Treat it like any other relationship. The foundation of your relationship will not be based on him being trans, the only difference it makes is that you may have to be a bit more patient and sensitive.

fab