My Short Life Story

I had a very androgynous childhood. Brought up in a Vicarage in Oxfordshire, I played with both stereotypical boys and girls toys. My parents didn’t believe in certain objects being for boys and others for girls. My mum kept my hair short and I was never pressured to choose a Barbie over a toy car, nor to play with my dressing table instead of going outside to go frog hunting.

I was both baptised and confirmed wrapped in rainbow cloth. You could call it a coincidence, but I like to think of it as foreshadowing.

At the age of eight, we moved to Buckinghamshire and my parents divorced. My father eventually remarried and had my baby brother.

When I reached the age that appearance and gender became more important, I wanted to be a boy. I wore boys clothes and had no interest in make up or stereotypical girly things. I wanted to be a boy, but didn't know what that meant.

Then puberty hit and I started to take an interest in how I looked. I lost a lot of weight, tried to wear what all the ‘popular’ girls wore, and I generally enjoyed having fun with my female friends.

When I was fifteen, I had my first girlfriend. I learned a great deal about myself. Mainly that I was attracted to women! Also, that I wasn’t happy in my body.

I then had an on and off relationship with my now dearest friend. He made me feel comfortable with my body and neither of us played the ‘male’ nor ‘female’ role in the relationship. It was very equal. I stopped desperately trying to look like one of the ‘popular’ girls and created my own image, one I was incredibly happy with, and made me feel attractive. I also started wearing men’s clothing. I found it made me feel strangely at ease.

When I was sixteen, I dated an older guy. He was very shy and inexperienced, but definitely played the ‘male’ role in the relationship. I found it very difficult and it became a constant subconscious battle of masculinity for me.

My body began to become more and more of an issue in the Summer of 2014. In which, I temporarily moved out due to troubles at home, had a stressful social life, drank far too much and became incredibly ill. They were the darkest days of my life so far, and only when I came out about my gender problems did life start to fall back into place. I discovered the term ‘Gender Fluid’ and EUREKA! I embraced it and enjoyed it… to begin with. The growing struggle of passing as a man became unbearable and I discovered that I was no more of a woman in my girls’ clothes. Dysphoria began to eat away at me.

“My hips are too wide”

“My breasts are too big to bind properly”

“My arms are too thin”

“I have a very feminine face”

“My legs are too short and fat”

“I’m so short”

“Every time I put my hand there, I expect to feel a bulge, but it’s just not there”

On October 25^th, I started my life as Frank. I gradually came out to family, friends and colleagues and received nothing but support.

“I am transgender. I am male.”

My parents have found it difficult, I couldn’t expect anything else. They lost her only daughter and gained a son. That said, they have been my number one supporters all the way. I hope I’ll be able to prove to them that I am exactly the same person, it’s just my body that needs to change.

“I will not stay silent so that you can stay comfortable”

It’s amazing how far I’ve come. From a twelve year old having dreams about women and being terrified of turning out gay! Not because I was homophobic but because I wanted a typical nuclear family of my own someday. I still do… I guess I just never thought I’d be called “Dad”.

“The only queer people are those who don’t love anybody”

- Rita Mae Brown (American writer and feminist)

My name is Francis Alastair Brierley.
But you can call me 'Frank'.

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