The Feeling of Emptiness

Since starting testosterone, my mood and thought processes have been the hardest change.

My mood dramatically plummeted in the first week and I found it very hard not to go over the edge. However, writing this blog has actually really lifted my spirits. Just writing out how I feel, whether anybody reads it or not, makes me feel a lot better about it all.

I feel like I've become a lot more aggressive, not only am I quick to anger, but I've realised that I've started saying what I think, almost blurting it out, whereas before I wouldn't have said anything.

I've found it very hard to concentrate as well. Not on coursework, or socializing, but on my emotions. I can't for the life of me think about how I truly feel about anything important. I can sit there for minutes, thinking of the issue and desperately trying to dig deep inside my skull and discover how I feel about it, just to end up with the same nonchalant attitude about it. It's like trying the grab smoke.

This has made things especially difficult with my relationship. I love my boyfriend, I really do, but recently I just can't feel anything strongly towards him. It's especially frustrating as my sexuality has seemed to have left me attracted to women only.

I like to think that I love him enough that sexuality means nothing.

I assume that the feeling of emptiness will subside, I guess I just have to rediscover myself again.

fab